Monday, April 13, 2009

Pillow Talk, Lunacy and the Elephant in the Room

I guess now is the time to admit that even though I made it to the third date before giving it up to Brown, our third date was only a week after our first.

Absolutely no shame, no apologies and no regrets.

As much as I wanted that man, and as much as he wanted me, three dates was a HUGE accomplishment.

But that's not to say that both of us didn't continue to wave red flags right underneath each other's noses.

It took Brown only three dates to discover that I was both promiscuous and emotionally needy. In the aftermath of our first night of passion – heart open, legs open, everything open – I proceeded to open my mouth, too. I spilled the beans about my recent casting-couch ordeal.

Major red flag for him.

But I was madly in love and didn't want there to be any secrets between us.

A few days later, he reciprocated by telling me something I didn't want to hear: A few days after the Vegas trip where we first met, he'd had a vasectomy.

I cried hysterically. Into the phone. Into the ears of the man I'd been dating for less than two weeks.

I told him how much I loved kids, how much I wanted to be a mother, how hurt I'd be if I were barren by default.

Another major red flag for him. It was lunacy – lunacy was one of Brown's favorite words – for a girl he'd just met to be crying like she'd just had a miscarriage because he didn't want to have any more children.

Too bad he didn't understand where the real lunacy lay. The lunacy wasn't that I was devastated, the lunacy was that I believed I could change his mind. I called my abusive psychic, who told me that vasectomies were reversible. I instantly felt better, and decided not to break up with him.

I didn't understand until years later, and I do mean years, that no man would willingly let a doctor snip away at the family jewels unless he really, truly, absolutely, positively, irreversibly did not want to have kids.

So Brown now had a pocketful of red flags, as did I.

But the truth was, Brown was just as smitten with me as I was with him.

Less than two weeks after we met, he was referring to me as "his girl," leaving daily messages on my machine that always began, "Hello, gorgeous," and even peppering our conversations with references to us eloping. He didn't want to end it any more than I did.

But for the rest of our relationship, the vasectomy would be the elephant in the room that we both tried in vain to tiptoe around.

(Brown Diaries Part 4 of 18: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 | Lessons Learned 1-3: 1 2 3)

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7 comments:

izzie said...

Anita... again you wrote some sentences that reminded me of my relationship with my ex.
And why being an ex s a good thing now...
Even though it isn't always nice...
As usual.. I learn something from you.
Thanks!

Love,

Angeli said...

hmmm.. isn't letting a doctor willing "snip away at the family jewels" a form of lunacy, too? i'm just wondering.

i like your blog, Anita.

:)

Luscious Sealed Lips said...

You were already thinking marriage and kids in two weeks! The Love must have been really strong. And what can be more important than this strong love, Anita. :)

Kisses.

Don't Be a Slut said...

Interesting perspectives, all.

Izzie - always happy to see you and miss you when you're gone.

Angeli - welcome. I hadn't really thought of the vasectomy as being a form of lunancy, too. Perhaps it was.

Luscious - surely you remember that I was raised Catholic? I think of marriage and kids BEFORE I even meet the guy - LOL.

Sakshi said...

Um, interesting. Out with what followed. Hurry Up ,now!
;)
And yes, you are a total lunatic...not that he's far behind. Leading the way, in fact. ;)

*kidding!
What happened after that?
S.

Preeti said...

hehehe ....u are so much in love and i love that ...

I feel that if it takes you days and months to decide weather u r in love or not ,,,u r not ...its about the moemnt the touch and you know ..yes ! this is it ...

Cheron L. Hall said...

So brutally honest. Can't count the number of times I practiced "lunacy"...geesh...

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