In Case You Missed It

In the last couple of months since I started blogging regularly again, I've attracted new readers ... and a few of you have mentioned that when it comes to catching up on old content, you don't know where to start.

If you have the time and the curiosity to read start-to-finish, you can begin with my first post, "For Glorified Sluts, Reformed Sluts, Would-Be Sluts & Future Sluts. Then, just follow the "Newer Post" link at the bottom of each page to read my blog in the order that I wrote it.

If you're not that curious and you just want to hit the juicy parts, the heart and soul of my blog falls into two main categories. Diaries are my blow-by-blow accounts of what went down in my relationships, and Lessons Learned are where I reflect on what I now know. Here's a summary of the chapters I've covered so far, in chronological order:

• Virginity Diaries gives the lowdown on how I gave it up for the first time ... to a drug dealer from the projects.
• Number Two Diaries is all about my jailbird (and possibly gay) second boyfriend.
• Conspiracy Diaries, my most recent chapter, recounts life with my radical-revolutionary third boyfriend.
• ...Coming soon... details about my slutty phase, after I left Conspiracy, but before I moved to L.A.
• Stripper/Casting Couch Diaries is a cautionary tale of what happened to this mostly nice, kind-of-slutty girl when I moved to the big city.
• Semi-Homeless is about the broke-down man I dated after the casting couch broke me down.
• Brown is about the man I loved ... and the man I lost.

So, there you have it. If you want to see what you've missed, there's your roadmap.

If you're not a looking-back kind of reader, no worries. You can follow my new material without knowing what came before. I always link back when I mention a person or episode I've already written about.

For my long-time readers, which of these stories would you say is a must-read for Don't Be a Slut newbies?

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First Blogiversary

It's my first blogiversary.

One year ago today, early in the morning, I sat down and wrote my first post.

And I'm so glad I did.

When I started my blog, I had no idea that I would reveal as much as I did, that I would feel as much as I did or that I would heal as much as I did.

I had no idea that I would make "blog friends" all over the world, or that my blog would become a lifeline of creativity in a sea of personal uncertainty.

It's been a huge step forward for me creatively.

You see, seven years ago, I blasted through a decade of writer's block and wrote my first full-length play. Up until that time, I was convinced that I was a blocked artist, a procrastinator, a corporate hack who could crank out boring copy for a paycheck but not a true artist who could craft creative copy for myself.

Writing my play slashed a hole in that self-perception, and blogging has been like the bulldozer that knocked the last vestiges of that wall down and like the construction crew that hauled all the debris away. Because I've been writing, for myself (and for you) consistently for a year, with very little thought about "what's next" in terms of material success or public recognition.

So I just wanted to say thank you for reading and for helping me reach this milestone.

P.S. I'll be back to writing about Number Two this week. I've been going through some (mostly good) personal stuff that has kept me away from the computer.

Interview, Awards and Blog Love

Over the last couple of months, I've been silently bathing in the glow of blog love. I didn't want to interrupt my Virginity Diaries, so I saved it all up to share with you once I wrapped up that chapter. So, drumroll please, let the thank-yous and paying it forward begin.

My first in-depth interview, courtesy of Paula's Pleasure Blog
Paula is a mother of two grown children, and she hosts lingerie parties. Her blog features a variety of sex-education articles and interviews, and I was honored when she asked to explore why I started Don’t Be A Slut.
>> Read the complete interview

The Lemonade Stand Award, courtesy of Black.girl.Thoughts
Cheron, author of Black.girl.Thoughts, stands out in my mind for two reasons: 1) she's got a kick-ass blog and 2) she was the first person to read Don't Be a Slut start-to-finish in one afternoon ... and to comment on almost every single post while I marveled at her tenacity.

Like me, she's an autobiographical blogger, and her story of how she lost her virginity is tragic, sad and painfully real.

I'm passing the illustrious Lemonade Stand Award on to:

• Passion Fruit: paintings and things by Brianna McCarthy: Bri is a wonderful artist. Her portraits of beautiful, big-eyed black girls always make me smile.



• His First 100 Days: Russell's half of this his-and-hers blog chronicles the first 100 days of a new marriage. But the kissing, cuddling, bickering and honeymooning take an unexpectedly dramatic turn when his wife gets arrested and does time in the big house.

Bri & Russell, congrats! Here's how to pass the Lemonade Award on:

1. Put the logo on your blog or post.
2. Nominate at least 10 blogs that show great attitude and/or gratitude.
3. Link to your nominees within your post.
4. Let them know that they have received this award by commenting on their blog.
5. Nominate your favorites, and link to this post.

The Superior Scribbler Award, courtesy of It's Gonna Take More Than a Hamburger to Make Me Happy
Nothing makes me guffaw louder than J.B.'s blog. J.B. works in the restaurant industry, and these days every weird person in the universe, from Cross-Dressing Santa to Strawberry Shortcake, is causing her strife.

I'm passing the award on to:

• Black.girl.Thoughts. As I mentioned above, she's a great writer.


• The Dirty Girl Diaries: I just discovered this blog today. It's the story of a 1970s NYC wild child who was bartending in a strip bar by age 17. Jodi's a great writer. You can taste the cheap champagne, smell the musk and hear the cacophony.

Jodi & Cheron, here are the Superior Scribbler blog rules:

1. Pass the award on to 5 deserving bloggy friends.
2. Name the person who passed the award on to you & link back to his or her blog.
3. Display the award on your blog.
4. Link to this post which explains how the award came to be & add your name to the Mr. Linky List at the end of that post.

Fixin' to Go All Teenaged On You

This blog is about to go back, back, back in time.

Yep, uh huh. In case you weren't already chronology-confused enough.

For those of you new to my blog, I am currently in my late thirties. But I primarily write about my former life as a self-proclaimed slut, a life that more or less ended about 10 years ago.

Here's what I've shared so far:

• Age 16: Fooled around with a much, much older man
• Age 19: Lost my virginity in the Father Panic projects
  
  
• Age 19 - 25: Lots of men, lots of drama, lots of life lessons that I haven't shared yet.
  
  
• Age 25-26: Moved to Hollywood to be a star and almost got pimped instead
• Age 26-27: Dated a semi-homeless loser
• Age 27-28: Fell over-the-moon in love, until it all fell apart
• Age 28-37: Stopped dating (for the most part)

Most of my posts fall into two categories: diaries, where I relive my experiences, and lessons learned, where I share the knowledge I gained from them.

So before I jump into a new chapter, I wanted to remind you of where I've been and give you a head's up about where we're going.

I thought I'd spare you the pain of wondering why I suddenly aged backward and turned 19 years old!

Shout-Outs, Awards and Kudos - Thanks!

Over the last few weeks, I've been honored with awards and kudos from a few bloggers. I wanted to get Brown out of my system before I acknowledged all the blog love, so here's a slightly belated recap.

Featured Blog of the Week - Hooray! Made my Week!

Last week, I got a big surprise from one of my favorite bloggers - J.B. of It's Gonna Take More Than a Hamburger to Make Me Happy fame. She made Don't Be a Slut her featured blog of the week. It was such a delicious surprise.

I love J.B.'s blog. She's a good writer, she's funny and there's something really heartfelt about her writing. Most of her stories take place in restaurants. She works in a deli, and her family used to own a restaurant. So she's got lots of stories about insane customers. My favorite is her rant about mock chicken.

She's also got her own Brown-like saga, about her breakup with her ex.

Kreativ Blogger Award

Enchantress of Days of My Life blog was kind enough to give me the Kreativ Blogger Award. She lives in Atlanta and has a warm-hearted, slice-of-life blog.

The rules are:
1. Post the award on your blog and link to the person who gave you the award.
2. List seven things you love.
3. Pass it on! List seven blogs you love and let those people know you've given them the award.

Seven Things I Love

1. Blogging
2. Chocolate
3. Mindless TV (America's Next Top Model, Oprah, Grey's Anatomy)
4. The Pacific Ocean
5. My church
6. Lingerie
7. Hummingbirds and flowers

Seven Blogs I Love
Since the name of the blog is "Kreativ," I've tried to pick blogs that are unusual or different in some way and that haven't, as far as I know, been honored with this award in the past.

1. The Recessionista - her blog is about shopping, dining, dressing and living well on the cheap. She doesn't just dish about deals, she includes witty commentary.


2. The Lotus Sutra Chronicles - a travel diary of sorts, it features interesting photos and observations from an American(?) woman who currently lives in Korea (and is planning to head to Europe soon).


3. Jane Minogue - Huffington Post - an interesting take on women's issues that ties today's hot topics back to their historical corollaries in medieval Europe.


4. The Spicy Princess - Shhhh, this blog is everything you ever wanted to know about the mechanics of sex but were too embarrassed to ask. The Spicy Princess offers tips on how to please your partner as well as reviews of various sensual products.


5. Luscious Sealed Lips - part dialogue, part stream of consciousness, part poetry, part narrative, this blog is about love, relationships and life.


6. How I Changed Careers - essentially a business blog, but with a more personal twist. An entrepreneur sharing how he went from practicing law to launching his own line of body-care products.


7. Remembering Paris - a survivor of child sexual abuse, incest and domestic violence tells her story.

Makes My Heart Smile Award
RETROMUS-IK awarded me the Makes My Heart Smile award, naming Don't be a Slut as one of her top 10 favorites. Thanks a bunch, Retro!

My First Blog Award - I'm officially an Honest Scrap!

Yesterday, I got an unexpected kiss from Luscious Sealed Lips, who bestowed upon me my very first blog award, The Honest Scrap. So now that I am an Honest Scrap, I must abide by two rules:

1. List 10 honest and interesting things about yourself.
2. Honor 7 other bloggers with the award.

10 Honest and Interesting Things About Myself

1. I started blogging almost by accident. Before I started writing Don't Be a Slut in October, I didn't even follow blogs.
   
2. In 2005, I did a weight-loss infomercial that ran on TV. Since then, I've gained 85 pounds. How embarrassing!
   
3. I haven't had sex since 2006. I love sex. I'm starting to hump – oops, I mean – climb the walls.
   
4. I originally intended for this blog to be completely anonymous, but thanks to Facebook, I'm completely out in the open, and it actually feels good.
   
5. I love writing about me, and I hate writing about software (my day job for the last 10 years).
   
6. Deep down, I still want to be an actress. But not enough to go bankrupt while I waste my life on crap audition after crap audition.
   
7. A few days ago, I woke up to a find a live mouse swimming in my toilet. Didn't have the heart to flush him myself, so I called my landlord. Cowardly, but effective.
   
8. I just spent the last six weeks or so moving through a really dark depression. Lots of tears, gallons of self pity, truckloads of chocolate. I'm better (and fatter) now.
   
9. I'm a deeply spiritual person, but sometimes I wonder if spirituality and religion are not just a gigantic pacifier we use just to survive the vicissitudes of life.
   
10. I'm a curious mix of studious nerd, earnest do-gooder, intolerant bitch and soft-hearted artist. Makes for an interesting life.

Blogs I'm Honoring
Seven was a bit much. Drumroll please, here are my two picks for blogs that are both deeply personal and honest.

1. My Girlfriend is an Escort: The tale of a man who is in love with a woman whose job is a little ... well, interesting. I give him kudos for telling his story and for dealing with reader comments, which range from kind to cruel.
   
2. Makes Me Wanna Holler: It's a roses and warts look at fatherhood and marriage, from dealing with your wife's granny panties to going Bill Cosby on your messy son to rescuing your daughter from a life-threatening allergic reaction.

For Glorified Sluts, Reformed Sluts, Would-Be Sluts & Future Sluts

I used to be a prudish Catholic girl, raised by a promiscuous single father, who had an unhealthy penchant for bringing real, live, true-blue, off-the-street sluts to our home for cheap, quick, dirty sexual escapades. The women were usually high or drunk, but I didn't figure out they were actual streetwalkers until I was 18 or 19, when my foster mom broke it all down for me.

But the point is, despite my very real belief that eternal damnation lay in wait for me if I dared open my legs before marriage, I became a slut. I felt like a slut immediately – but confirmation that I really was a slut came years later, when I read mainstream press that claims the "average" woman has four sexual partners in her lifetime, and the "average" man has seven.

Oops, my bad. I beat the men by a wide margin.

In fact, I'm part of the 9 percent of women (and 13% of black women) who admit to sleeping with more than 15 men.

I admit this now, safely ensconsed behind the anonymity of a screen name, as a "reformed slut" who, in fact, has reached the ripe, old-maid age of 37 with no marriages, no pregnancies – and no sex of any kind for two-and-a-half years. (Now the only thing I copiously make love to is chocolate, and I have the stretch marks to prove it.)

So, why write a blog about being a slut? Or more specifically, not being one?

Because being a slut is glamorized in pop culture. Because being a slut did me no worldly good. Because I'm bitter about it. And because no one ever talks about the mental and emotional fallout that happens when good girls go slutty.

So this is a blog for:

• Glorified sluts (women who look and dress like sluts in the public eye but are often quite close-legged in private)
• Active sluts (women who are giving it up a little too easily to all the wrong men)
• Reformed sluts (women like me who used to be sluts, but they've tried real hard to clean up their acts)
• Would-be sluts (the true good girls who secretly wish they'd been more like me)
• And most importantly, the future sluts (the next generation of teenage girls and young women who don't know how painful and un-fun being a slut can be).