Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Anatomy of a 10-Year Drought

Am amazing thing happened to me today. A good-looking guy asked me for my phone number. And I actually gave it to him.

This is a minor miracle. You see:
  • Once you get past a size 14-16, most guys (even black guys) stop asking for your number.

  • Most of the guys who still think I'm cute fall into the greasy fried chicken category. Some combination of country, over the age of 50, loud and/or wearing loud clothes.

  • It's hard for guys to approach me. Even under the best of circumstances, I'm pretty oblivious. Other people have to point out when a guy is checking me out. I just don't see it.

  • Even when asked, I almost never give out my number. I usually flat out refuse, or if I'm trying to be polite, I pretend I'm married.
It's been 10 years since my last relationship. Ten long, friggin' years.

The first two were spent grieving. You see, once upon a time, I fell madly, deeply, completely in love. I thought it would last forever. It didn't.

I spent the next two years in Weight Watchers trying to undo the byproduct of grief – chocolate!

Newly skinny again, I had my first slipup. After four years of miserable celibacy, I fell briefly into the arms of a two-timing Italian. After a few months, I kicked him to the curb.

Three years of celibacy and slavish devotion to Weight Watchers followed. I got laid off from my job, wrote a play, invested in headshots and tried once again to become a successful Hollywood actress.

Then I had a brief dalliance with a friend. I broke up with him a month after I broke up with Weight Watchers. And I broke up with acting a few months after that.

That was three years ago.

I went back to my first love – chocolate! I also went back to work – a joyless, brain-sucking day job. I gained back the 85 pounds that I lost in years 2-4. And my personal favorite, I became a church lady.

So yes, it's a minor miracle that a drop-dead gorgeous guy asked me for my number today.

Maybe it's the beginning of the end of my 10-year drought, or maybe it's just another mirage in the never-ending desert of Spinsterland. But whatever it is, it's a welcome diversion.

5 comments:

Luscious Sealed Lips said...

Now that is one bright post on your blog ever since I started reading it.

I Love New Beginnings. Hope your 10 year hiatus has come to an end. In a great way too.

Keep me posted about the developments. ;)

Kisses.

izzie said...

Hi hun!

I go with Luscious here! ;)

I'm now coming out of a very brief yet very intense and felt relationship... so I get the general feeling here!
I too want that miracle... AMEN! to that... ;)

Keep us posted, ok?

Love,

drjanebolton said...

Well, it couldn't happen to a more intelligent, beautiful, talented, loving AND funny woman.YAY!!!!!!!!!!!

brookeamanda said...

Good for you! I hope he turns out to be a great guy.

Christine A. Mayo said...

I am just getting on this wagon, how did things work out for you" is he still around?" I loved this blog, on so many levels, when I read your words, I am so glad I too turned in to a church lady after a meeting at the Well. Thank you for verbalize what I wanted to say but could'nt say!I have not been saved all my life,and I still do not walk on water, but I know who can walk on water ....... have a great day ! I am rambling

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