Anatomy of a 10-Year Drought

Am amazing thing happened to me today. A good-looking guy asked me for my phone number. And I actually gave it to him.

This is a minor miracle. You see:

• Once you get past a size 14-16, most guys (even black guys) stop asking for your number.
  
  
• Most of the guys who still think I'm cute fall into the greasy fried chicken category. Some combination of country, over the age of 50, loud and/or wearing loud clothes.
  
  
• It's hard for guys to approach me. Even under the best of circumstances, I'm pretty oblivious. Other people have to point out when a guy is checking me out. I just don't see it.
  
  
• Even when asked, I almost never give out my number. I usually flat out refuse, or if I'm trying to be polite, I pretend I'm married.

It's been 10 years since my last relationship. Ten long, friggin' years.

The first two were spent grieving. You see, once upon a time, I fell madly, deeply, completely in love. I thought it would last forever. It didn't.

I spent the next two years in Weight Watchers trying to undo the byproduct of grief – chocolate!

Newly skinny again, I had my first slipup. After four years of miserable celibacy, I fell briefly into the arms of a two-timing Italian. After a few months, I kicked him to the curb.

Three years of celibacy and slavish devotion to Weight Watchers followed. I got laid off from my job, wrote a play, invested in headshots and tried once again to become a successful Hollywood actress.

Then I had a brief dalliance with a friend. I broke up with him a month after I broke up with Weight Watchers. And I broke up with acting a few months after that.

That was three years ago.

I went back to my first love – chocolate! I also went back to work – a joyless, brain-sucking day job. I gained back the 85 pounds that I lost in years 2-4. And my personal favorite, I became a church lady.

So yes, it's a minor miracle that a drop-dead gorgeous guy asked me for my number today.

Maybe it's the beginning of the end of my 10-year drought, or maybe it's just another mirage in the never-ending desert of Spinsterland. But whatever it is, it's a welcome diversion.