The first year with Conspiracy, I accepted our strange relationship without ever really realizing that it was strange. And because of my devotion, I missed out on the best-looking guy who ever expressed interest in me.
His name was Sincere.
I met him quite by accident in the library. A girlfriend and I were sitting at a table, and she was idly gossiping that the brother of a world-famous half-Nigerian, half-British soul/jazz singer was rumored to live in New Haven. A good-looking brown-skinned guy I'd never seen before was sitting at the same table, a chair or two away. He listened quietly for a while, then stunned my friend by announcing that the rumors were true ... and that he was, indeed, the mysterious half-brother of the Smooth Operator herself.
Although he looked nothing like his stunningly beautiful sister, my first thought was, "Your dad sure is making one heck of a contribution to the gene pool, because you are strikingly handsome."
He was a senior. The reason I'd never seen him before was that he had just transferred to Yale from Vassar. After graduation, he planned to go to law school.
Turns out I knew his mother. She worked at Wawa as a checkout clerk, the same convenience store where I met Number Two. Once, when I went in sick as a dog to buy Nyquil, she yelled at me for not covering my mouth when I coughed. Sincere looked a lot like his mother, but that extra Nigerian spice from his dad was the source of his stunning good looks.
Somehow, we got to talking. And somehow he asked me out.
I don't remember where we went or what we did. Only that we must have gone somewhere. Because I remember sitting in the brand-new, silver Jeep his sister had bought for him. It was my first time riding in the kind of vehicle that would later come to be known as an SUV.
And I spent the whole damn time talking about Conspiracy. I don't think I even realized that Sincere was interested in me and that the two of us were on a date, albeit a very casual one.
When I got out of the car, there was an air of finality about it. I don't know if I ever saw him again, but I definitely know we never hung out again.
At the time, it was a very simple, happenstance occurrence. It didn't rattle my world or shake my soul. My date with Sincere was not something I talked about or even thought about ... back then.
It's only been recently, as I've thought about my dating history, that Sincere has come back to haunt me in a very big way. Because he was the kind of guy I should have been dating, the kind of guy I should have married.
But I couldn't, because I was entangled with a man old enough and crazy enough to be my father. And, unfortunately, I missed Mr. Right in his silver Jeep, because I only had eyes for my crazy old man.
For a few more months, at least.
1 comment:
this made me sad
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