This is how women get AIDS

According to the Centers for Disease Control, African-Americans represent 12 percent of the U.S. population and 46 percent of those with HIV/AIDS. Looking back at my relationship with Number Two, it's easy to understand why.

• He was screwing me, his ex-girlfriend, and quite probably, other men.
• He was a "first-date-only" condom guy.
• He engaged in what medical professionals politely call a "high risk" sexual position where blood-to-semen contact is not uncommon.
• And, most importantly, I let him do all of the above.

That's the truth of why black women represent 61 percent of new HIV cases among all women.

Because we let our men dog us, and we don't stick up for ourselves in the ways that matter.

I have never had a grown-up conversation with a man about his sexual history before becoming his lover. (Partly because that would have meant divulging my sexual history. And partly because as a first-date kinda gal, I didn't do a lot of talking to begin with.)

I have never insisted that a man and I both get tested before having sex for the first time. (How exactly do you bring that up? "Here, honey, roll up your sleeve so I can draw some blood, and while you're at it, please give me $200 so I can buy this anonymous STD test, mail the sample to a lab and wait for the results.")

I have never insisted that a man wear a condom or else get out of my bed. (And I have a really juvenile confession to make about the reason why: It was one of my secret tests. "If he brings the condom and puts it on, that means he's a good guy, and he's responsible, and he cares about me." Yeah, right.)

I don't have AIDS or HIV.

Not because I was smart.

And definitely not because I was careful.

Simply because I was lucky.

I knew what I was supposed to do, but somehow I didn't have the courage, the nerve, the audacity, the outspokenness, the self-love, the assertiveness to do it. And I kinda hoped I could make it his job, like taking out the trash or opening the car door.

But the statistics don't lie.

Our men aren't going to protect us, because men don't like wearing condoms. And apparently, many don't like monogamy either.

It's up to us to protect ourselves.

It's been four years since my last sexual relationship, and I don't know when I'm going to meet someone I want to get hot, sweaty and horizontal with.

But when I do, for the first time in my life, I'm going to have to care enough about my health and well-being to actually insist that he get tested and wear a condom.

Am I the only one who finds this difficult?

(Number Two Diaries Parts 1-8: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 | Lessons Learned Part 2 of 3: 1 2 3)