2008 was the year of ultimate boredom. It was the year where I put one foot in front of the other and trudged an endless path of monotonous sameness: work, overeating, TV, church, work, overeating, TV, church, work, overeating, TV, church. The same sameness over and over, with a few special events to break up the monotony: my brother's ghetto (un)fabulous wedding; a trip with my church choir to sing at the Democratic National Convention; a few Oscar-worthy dramatic outbursts at my job. Then back to work, overeating, TV, church.
I didn't engage in any of my usual rituals on this New Year's Day:
- I didn't weigh myself and vow that I would reach and maintain my ideal weight once and for all.
- I didn't look at my balance statement and pledge that this is the year I will get rich quick, get a job I hate less or at least carve a big chink in my mountain of debt.
- I didn't say a billion affirmations that I am now a talented and acclaimed actor.
- I didn't pray to conquer mood swings, depression and so-called negative feelings once and for all, or fall on my knees and vow that this is the year I'd get closer to God.
- And last but certainly not least, I did not claim that this is the year I'd finally find The One, get married and produce 1-3 adorable children (before my ovaries proclaim that it's too late).
Not in a defeatist, giving-up-on-life kind of way.
But in a way that says, I don't have everything I want, and I'm not going to kick myself anymore.
In a way that says, nobody can love me if I don't love me.
In a way that says, I choose to be happy, even if my life circumstances don't seem to merit it.
In a way that says, I honor me even if nobody else does.
In a way that says, I don't need an acting gig, a six-figure income, a wedding ring or a baby to prove to myself or to anyone else that I deserve to take up space on the planet.
That's the new unglamorous me, and that's what I'm celebrating in 2009.
10 comments:
Those were beautiful reasons to look forward to 2009.
I wish you a wonderful and fulfilling 2009 and many more years to come too!
All the Best.
Kisses.
I feel the same way this year :)) and you know what, it's okay.
Count me in on that "2009 club"... our thuoghts and reasons for it somehow meet... and for the first time in years... I/we feel I/we'll live throught it! =)
Good reason to celebrate 2009! I think it's great to accept that you make your own happieness! That's something I often have to keep reminding myself! Happy New Year! 2009 will be great! :o)
Also, I wrote a new post I thought of you after I wrote it and read some different parts of your blog. It's called "The Stripper Stint"
I like your RESOLUTIONS!!!!! BRAVO!
2009 is your year to do WHAT YOU WANT--there are no pre-conditions :)
You go! No apologies, no shame--just go! I predict that 2009 has some great things in store for you! Can't wait to read all about it here. Cheers!
You know when u stop caring about 'anything' and 'everything' in life is when u actually 'start' having fun.
My parents for instance are so happy that ' maa daa ladla bigad gaya' that they actually praise the day that i stopped thinkin 'moral', 'right' and 'wrong' and started having fun
Cheers to that ..a fun filled 2009!!
Your description of falling off the wagon is terrific. In a way, your statement is somewhat Zen about being fat. Perhaps when there isn't such a "charge" on the way we see ourselves (and are sure that others view us in that same way), then the issue begins to subside and soon becomes a "non-issue."
I find January an ironic month for New Year's Resolutions. Grey,damp, cold---not the best conditions for optimism.
Keep writing. It's good.
"Chuuuuch" wink ;)
I love your blog, I feel a release just reading everything you have written, thank you for sharing!
Post a Comment