But there have been lots of reasons. Some excuse-making and some legitimate. And some that I haven't publicly aired.
- I don't feel like it. Somewhere along the way, my blog went from being something I loved to do to something I "had" to do. And that took a lot of the fun out of it for me.
- Woe is me, I'm unemployed. Two months ago, the dream-job-turned-nightmare let me go. I couldn't write because I was too busy crying, stuffing my face and watching reality TV.
- I'll start writing again when I get a new job. Counter-intuitive, I know. What better time to write when you have 40-90 extra hours in your life that aren't be sucked up by a useless and demeaning job? But in my case, I've found that I'm more productive in all areas of my life when I'm busy. Sloth comes naturally when the opportunity arises.
- Is this blog worth losing two of my closest friends? I've literally lost two friends over this blog. The first was someone who revealed a shady side to me after reading my blog (who I haven't directly confronted), and the second was someone who was incensed that I wrote about a three-week relationship I had 19 years ago with the man she's now married to.
- Dear me, what if a potential employer, an imaginary boyfriend or my dad sees this? I consciously made the decision early on not to hide behind a screen name, but let's just say my courage wavered a bit when I Googled myself and saw "Don't Be a Slut" as the top link.
- What if Conspiracy Theory sends me an acid bomb in the mail? It's taken writing these first few posts to get me to realize that after all these years, I'm still afraid of Conspiracy and his rage. I know I'll get past it, but in the meantime, it's easier not to write about him.
That's still my goal.
But I've decided to stop trying to whip myself into shape where this blog is concerned.
Over the last month, I've made some really big changes in my life. I've taken beach days and let a lot of the job bitterness go. I deleted Sudoku off my computer and eliminated chocolate from my kitchen cupboards. I'm walking every day and going to Weight Watchers every week. And best of all, I've resumed my yoga practice, another something that I used to love to do and that became a "should" that I never got around to.
And in that spirit, I know that my blogging consistency will come back when I'm back in touch with how much I love this blog and how important it is for me to release my demons from the past by reliving them, writing about them, learning from them and then letting them go for good.
Thank you for sticking with me through my less-than-consistent posting.
I'll get back to Conspiracy Theory in a few weeks, after I shore my spirit up with additional yoga and beach days.
9 comments:
sorry to hear about your job, wish you lots of luck in gettign another one soon.
I created a whole other email address when i started my blog and I do no give it to people I know, so no matter how many times someone google my name or email address it will not link to my blog.
Sorry to hear about your job, your 2 friends and GOOGLE.
Man oh man Google. It's scary when I google myself :P But thank god nothing bad popped up.
I'm thinking of just shutting down my blog and just starting from scratch again..maybe that's what you should do too?
Welcome back! :) Although, I havn't blogged in ages too ><
There's an old saying - If you want something done, give it to a busy person to do - I think this is because when we are busy we recognise that to keep all the balls in the air we have to manage our time in a more structured way than we do when we have more 'leisure' time.
My blog is one thing where I've never had a goal of posting x times a week or month. If I post, I post; if I don't, I don't. It's difficult to assess but I'm assuming that the posts I do write are better constructed than they would be if I 'had' to post to a schedule.
i think you have an awesome perspective. do you know how many times we ALL have come to a point where we stop doing something we used to love because now it's not a hobby, but a chore? i hope you find your inspiration because just from this one post i can tell i'd enjoy what you have to say. good luck with everything, and if you're ever bored during one of those days off, check out my blog ;)
I found your blog through another blog and yes, I have to say "Don't be a slut" led me to you but I still feel that is a good thing!
I really empathise with a lot of what you wrote. I am at the same stage now myself in many ways though for different reasons. The problems you are experiencing are very familiar and in my case, I know this has happened because I can't face dealing with the overwhelming stress tank that my life has become. I too am a lapsed yoga devotee by the way. I think letting that slide was the worst mistake I ever made.
Anyway, I wish you well and I hope you get your mojo back soon. I can see though by your writing that it never really went away ... you've still got it, my friend. Good luck and travel well.
What you have posted in the past has always inspired me. This is mostly because you are a brilliant writer and also because of your honesty. I do hope you find your inspiration again and posting stops feeling like a chore you have to do.
With all that you have gone through recently please do not be too hard on yourself. No matter what happens, what you have posted has meant a lot too many people including myself :-)
Heey! Wow, I haven't been on here in a long time. Mostly because of teh same thing you said you are dealing with. Reading blogs--a used-to-be effortless joy--turned into a chore for me. And so I left the blogs I followed unread for so long. But After thinking about what made me start in the first placem I am slowly recuperating with the reading and with the "writing it as it is" and not trying to hide the ugly "bad" days. I'm so glad that you're getting back on track with so many things! Thank God! I'm going to finish catching up on your posts now, lol. Best wishes!!
O.F.C.J.
This is what I have always feared, hence never had the courage to go all open. I remain anonymous because I am not brave like you. You are very brave, and if you have had the courage to express it, stand by it too without any fear. We have missed too much in life, already, because of fear. Do not let it take over you now.
Courage.
Hugs.
Kisses.
I started reading your blog last night, and the truth is, even though I'm still an underage, I can relate to you and what you felt. I've done so many wrong things, even the most obvious ones, I should have known better, I just feel lonely, I wish everybody would forget me so my past would never haunt me, but I'm pretty sure it will and I feel so ashamed.
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