I'm still in love with my ex.
That's how I think of him. As my ex.
We were never married. We never lived together.
And our relationship only lasted 18 months.
But in a sea of meaningless, dysfunctional, short-term, botched romances, he stood out from the pack.
Because he was the first person I ever really truly loved. And losing him was devastating, even though I broke up with him, and I was the one who walked away.
I've been putting off this chapter for weeks.
He's the one I just don't want to write about.
Because he's the one I've never been able to replace.
And now, nearly 10 years after we went kaput, it's time for me to move on.
Completely.
Emotionally, spiritually, mentally, romantically.
Maybe just getting it all on paper and putting it out there will help me finally move on.
9 comments:
That just sounds so heartbreaking. Have you been in contact at all?
I LOVE the name of your blog. I really want to tell my homewrecking best friend "Don't be a slut." But I have just been ignoring her bad behaviour.
I can definitely relate! I need to move on too! Why is it so hard when we know there is no future?! Is it that we hold onto some unattainable dream? We are so conditioned to believe in happy endings from fairytales, etc? It's so pathetic to think about though... And I know there is something better out there that I (that WE) deserve and he's WAITING for me (for YOU) to move on!!
I've always been a big believer that writing helps you work through your emotions.
It's definitely rough getting over an ex, even if the ex was a royal pain in the (insert word of choice here). Emotions are emotions, and during that period, he probably seemed perfect. It's hard to shake off that feeling, but the sooner it's shaken off, the better. Writing is always the best way to deal with emotions like that. Once they're more tangible, they're more easily dealt with.
At least try kicking him out 'virtually'. It will do some good at least, if not much. :)
Kisses.
Ok, I'm not sure I've ever been in love, but the closest thing I had was over 10 years ago too and I occasionally still think about him.
There a time about 5 years ago when I became sort of obsessed, but I'm happy to say I got over that part.
Like you, I broke it off (actually twice) and while I think I'm mostly over him, I often feel that I made a serious mistake and I'll never meet someone that I 'click' with that much ever again.
After reading this blog I actually just looked him up and messaged him on Facebook. He's safely in another state, so I don't think it could out too bad - he may simply ignore me...
Varris
I meant to say, I don't think it could turn out too badly.
Typing too fast!
Tina - welcome to my world and thanks for stopping by.
Everyone else - yeah, lost love is a trip, even if losing it was ultimately for your greatest good.
I think putting this down on paper is going to be a trip. Ultimately very cathartic, but hard to own up to.
I think the ability to love is what makes it easier to look back at some of those peculiar situations and think...wow...how beautiful was that.
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