My three-week romance with Number Two had already hit some interesting milestones: sex on the first date, sexual disempowerment and straight-up mind games, but as far as I was concerned, things were going well.
He was cute. I had a key to his apartment. I'd invested in my first answering machine so I could get voice messages from my increasingly vacant dorm room. And more and more of my CDs and personal belongings were making their way into Number Two's apartment as I spent more and more time there.
So I was caught completely off guard by what happened next.
One weekend, after performing in two shows, I made my way to his place.
He clearly wasn't expecting me.
Because he brought Tay-Tay, his baby mama/supposed ex-girlfriend over. The same one he dissed on our first date. Amidst much screaming, cursing and carrying on between him and Tay-Tay, he dragged me into his bathroom and looked at me through red-rimmed, tear-stained eyes.
He was sorry, he really did care about me and he didn't want to hurt me, but Tay-Tay was an asshole and something he just had to deal with, and could I please just leave.
At 3 a.m. in a crackhead city where a Yale student had been shot dead less than a week before.
Out the door I went, sobbing, with my CDs and miscellaneous belongings tucked into plastic grocery bags.
I had to hop a fence to cut through the parking lot on Broadway that separated his dark cubbyhole of an apartment from my dorm. One of the plastic bags ripped, scattering my CDs all over the concrete.
The city was silent, as still as death. Not a panhandler, crackhead or fellow Yalie in sight.
I looked up, and there was the moon. The biggest, roundest, yellowest full moon I'd ever seen in my life.
I stared at it as the tears streamed down my face.
Why was I so alone?
How come nobody loved me?
What was I doing wrong?
I had no answers, only questions.
It was one of the saddest, loneliest moments of my entire life.
4 comments:
oh !! thats pretty mean on the guys part ...but On the second thought , good that u come to know abt it soon..
I can only imagine the numerous other girls that feel that way. I wish I could let them know they were loved. Sad
O.F.C.J.
I have just come across your blog. I have to say i am really enjoying it.
I like how honest you are but even more than that i admire your resiliance!
You Go GIRL!
he was such a shit face! This is really sad!
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