Girl-on-girl is just not appropriate

I'm not talking about sex. I'm talking about fights. Of the Jerry Springer variety. Of the verbal sparring variety that I engaged in with Tay Tay over Number Two, a fool who didn't deserve either one of us and, as it turns out, was probably gay.

Tay Tay, to be sure, was ignorant and obnoxious. She called me up on more than one occasion to bait me with tales that "my" man was really "her" man. And the evidence is certainly in her favor, until we get to the fact that maybe "her" man wanted to be with a man.

Which would at least partially explain why he treated her – and me – so badly.

But at the time, my 19-year-old self blamed her for making him treat me badly, blamed her for continuing to be involved with "my" boyfriend, blamed her for being the ugly b*tch with the wart on the end of her nose, which is how I actually thought of her.

What I didn't consider at the time is that the ugly b*tch with the wart on the end of her nose was pushing a baby stroller and the baby in that stroller allegedly belonged to "my" boyfriend. The same guy who took me to her apartment on our first date to pick up his stuff.

Her side of the story was never told. So why did I blame her?

I have a hopefully more enlightened bottom line today when it comes to boyfriends and their baby mamas, ex-girlfriends, ex-wives, ex-whatevers, also known as "the horrible women who ruined his life":

• Take whatever he says about her with a grain of salt. But do listen carefully, because what he says about her is probably remarkably similar to what he will one day say about you.
  
  
• Remember that he was there, too. He may talk about how she did this or she did that, but he ain't no innocent bystander. What was his part in accepting the drama or adding fuel to the fire?
  
  
• If you have a beef with her, your beef is really with him. If their relationship is really over, there is no you and her. It's you and him, and on a separate note, her and him. He's the responsible party, and the deserving recipient of your rage.
  
  

Tay Tay did not turn out to be the last ex-girlfriend who ever called my phone acting stupid, but she did end up being the last one I was reciprocally stupid with.

Flash forward to my early 30's, three years after I broke up with Brown. I was in a relationship that wasn't serious or satisfying, but after three years of crying and walking the floor, it was my first attempt at moving on.

Ring, ring went my cell phone ... in my cubicle, at work. On the line was a 21-year-old chickie-poo with some dramatic story about how she got my number off her ex-boyfriend's cell phone. I was polite to her, even as I explained in an even tone that I wasn't interested in her or her drama.

And that night, I called the new boyfriend and explained that my problem was with him. He was sleeping with other women, and that wasn't something I had agreed to. End of relationship, end of story.

It's so much better when women treat each other with respect, instead of attacking each other.

(Number Two Diaries Parts 1-8: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 | Lessons Learned Part 1 of 3: 1 2 3)